After teaching my 2nd year high school TD literature class and attending my ITM 11 class, I decided to go to the Rizal Study Foyer (where we can access school computers and the internet) so I could finish and print some of the requirements I needed for my GUIDON re-application. While walking along the corridor, I bumped into a high school acquaintance from a younger batch who was confirming his slot for next year’s incoming freshmen. It was unusual as most people had already confirmed their slots weeks ago and so I asked him why he was confirming his slot so late. It turns out he was placed on the waiting list and had to wait for the second list of accepted WA‘s to be able to confirm.

I was waitlisted myself last year but I didn’t really have a lot of trouble with getting my appeal processed since I came from the same high school as well. It was always understood by people that when you see that big “W” on your letter from the Ateneo that all you had to do was write an appeal and everything would be ok since a lot of slots usually open up after people find out that they’re accepted into UP. This isn’t the case this year because my friend told me that the Office of Admissions and Aid had apparently gone over quota with the confirmation of slots.

I don’t have any verification on this information yet but still, I understand how it feels to not have a college by the middle of March and I really feel for those kids who call the OAA on a daily basis because they know it’s their future that is at stake. What hurts even more is the feeling of rejection because you know this certain set of people don’t think you are good enough.

The whole theme of Acceptance and Rejection started to creep into my day when I came to the publication room for my re-application interview for the GUIDON.

It should be easier for someone to re-apply (renew would be a better term) for something rather than to just apply for the first time as they’ve already had experience with that organization as well as people already know what he is capable of but in my case its different. I knew things weren’t going to be easy and my thoughts we’re reinforced when the usual 15 minute application interview turned into an hour and 15 minutes. I’m not judging any of the new editorial board members but in my personal opinion, I don’t think my re-application will not be dependent on my skills as a webdesigner anymore but on how they think and feel about me (I won’t argue about the ethics of that idea anymore).

I don’t necessarily have to prove my skills anymore, they all know that I’m good at what I do but the doubt comes because of the drama that has surrounded my very existence these past months. This has sort of given some people negative preconceived notions about me and how I am. Well I can’t really do anything about what people think, it’s their brains and no matter how good I am with tarot cards I can’t directly change a persons belief, its their choice. Though it might be their thoughts I do have to say that they don’t really know who I am and therefore they can’t exactly understand who I am. I guess well for the fun side of reading this post here’s a list of random thoughts about this.

1. I am not a violent person. Seriously if you have anything you need to tell me and as long as you phrase correctly I’d respect it and I wouldn’t have anything against it.
2. It really takes a lot for me to actually say that I’m angry at a person. I always differentiate irritated, misunderstood and anger when it comes to dealing with people. I usually tolerate a lot more than most people do before I do explode and say that I’m angry at someone.
3. I have a high respect for people who are able to do number 1.
4. I have no respect for people who do the opposite of number one, cowards, those who’d rather run from their problem than face it head on and talk about their problems.
5. I’m really irritated by people who just blab on and comment on everything yet don’t know anything about what is being talked about.

I know that doesn’t help me out that much but I just feel it’s the least I could get off my chest without justifying my whole being.

I really have no idea now if I’ll be accepted back into the GUIDON. The best I can is keep a positive mindset and keep thinking that we have to put the needs of the paper over our personal issues.